I know all the ladies these days are super wet for those 16 yr old vampires and werewolves running rampant in Washington state totally NOT boning (wtf Mormons) in Twilight. And don’t get me wrong, I’m into it too. But seriously, no immortal gives me an ultimate blood-thirsty wide-on like Kiefer Sutherland’s 80s mulleted, blonde bearded, trench coat wearing, shark tooth earring self in The Lost Boys. I don’t know if Michael was supposed to be the babe in the movie but I couldn’t even look at his lame ass. I prefer my man to run a gang of dudes in stretch pants (one of which is no stranger to phone booth time travel) who live underground together homo-erotically and go on killing sprees where they massacre everyone in what looks to be a Red Hot Chili Peppers meet and greet around a bonfire in California. WOOF. I would let this man head butt me in the vag all night long. And maybe for kicks, I would whisper ‘Yr eating maggots Kiefer” while he went down on me. He’d laugh right?
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