Boner Potluck: His

Michelle and I gave each other secret wank homework, just to keep our privates on our toes. The only stipulation was that the selections had to be as random as possible, here's what she came up with for me;




Jodie Sweetin

To quote Dawn Penn, "No no noooooooo...."
Something about her gives off a real heavy "little sister" vibe. Maybe it's her baby face she transplanted into a grown woman's body. The whole Full House thing ain't helping either, sorry, "how ruuuuude" of me right? Doesn't matter though, word on the street is she died of Toxic Shock Syndrome a few years ago- and the girl from Family Matters did porn, I wouldn't fuck her either.




Rachel Maddow

To quote some shitty movie I once saw (it was Slither) "I hear she packs a box lunch" Hey, that's cool, I'll still have a go at it, although she might not appreciate my non-vagina. I guess there's only one way to find out, right Madd Dawg? (my imaginary pet name for her) I'd totally make her wear those hipstery nerd glassed she wears sometimes while I'm boning her and she's dry heaving. She's gotta do something about that Kevin Arnold hairdo though, she must know at least one gay dude.




Tina Fey

Holy shit! I don't even have to think about her feet on my shoulders to get a boner for this gal. I just imagine all the laughs we'd have together with a bottle of booze and two Snuggies (no clothes underneath) followed by intercourse and some night cheese. Did anyone see that episode? pure genius.




Brittanya (Rock Of Love Bus)

Ever have one of those days where you feel like spending an entire day doing something really self-indulgent and stupid? Like eating nothing but ribs and French toast with Dr. Pepper for all 3 meals. It's nothing but good times at first, but afterwards you'd feel like the little piggy loser that you are. At least no one would ever find out because there's no way in hell you'd tell anyone. That's exactly what this girl is, a "Guilty Pleasure Fuck"
All those piercings and tattoos, those implants, the ugly outfits coupled with the uglier acessories- she's basically a Carl's Jr. burger.
For this one I'm gonna say yes, with a very big IF.
IF I haven't gotten any ass in months.
IF I was wasted and my friends weren't around.
IF she approached me and I was bored.
IF I needed a pick-me-up after a shitty day by wowing a dumb 22 year-old with some shit I heard on NPR then taking her home and getting away with having the most selfish sex ever because the dudes she dates are asshole babies that hate women so she wouldn't know the difference anyway.