Bone Sliders

Burger King did it, McDonald’s did it, now I’m doing it. I’m getting in on this mini craze that corporations tell me is the new hot shit. Big is out! Here's a few tiny little guys you can easily savor and digest, one tasty morsel at a time. Here, fatso;





Giada de Laurentiis

I think this risotto needs to be sexualized for about 10 more minutes, and maybe add another 2 cups of cleavage (get it? durrrrrr)
Oh, you sexy little bobblehead you. Not that I don't appreciate you going "Mmmm......soooo good" as you slowly roll your eyes back then knead something in a tube top, but I seriously doubt you're gonna get canned, so chill. Does Food Network even cancel shows?





Cat Power (Chan Marshall)

More like Cat Plow-her! (get it? durrrrrr)
Hot with a hint of crazy? How can you resist? You might not enjoy getting bitched out by her drunk ass at a party because you asked a girl where the cups are (Whoooo is sheee? why don't you just go fuck her?! You probably already did, didn't you!?) but the guilt-soaked makeup sex later that night would totally be worth the awkward glances.
PS: Yes, I know she stopped drinking, but picturing her with a bottle in her hand, a cigarette in her mouth and sleepy eyes makes her seem hotter for some reason.





Sean Young In Bladerunner

Attention, 3 girls that read this (except Rebecca)
I will seriously marry you if you dress up as Rachael for me and let me "retire" that ass on the regular. Not only that, I also promise to feign interest in your ridiculous girl problems, check it;
"Marc Jacobs died? Ohhh sweetie, I'm so sorry, come here"
"Your feet are all fucked up? There, there. But you're always wearing those millimeter-thick flats, I don't understand" (pretty good, right?)
If you manage to get her hair just right, I’ll also pretend to give a shit about whatever it is you care about, no matter how asinine;
“Yeah, how did he manage to win Project Runway?! I’ve never met this guy, but you’re absolutely right, he is a stupid homo douche backstabber- and he definitely does deserve to die! Can you put the costume on now?"