I think it’s pretty obvious that I wanna dry-hump Jon Stewart within an inch of his life. I mean what self-respecting girl doesn’t? But can we take the time to address the fucking BABE situation in the Daily Show’s past and present correspondent pool?
First things first.
First things first.
Maybe it’s because he’s been all over my brain lately with trailers for the Hangover (and me watching the Office alone in my room crying every night) but there is SOMETHING about this huge white person that makes me wanna eat a mayonnaise sandwich, wash it down with a glass of milk, and go to a 4th of July parade. Now I kinda feel guilty about all the trash I talk about white men…j/k, you guys are still awful.
Jason Jones:
I too fall victim to the 'dudes risking their lives' boner. He went to Iran when there was some SERIOUS boner-killing shit going down. He threw on a flack jacket and grew a beard and spoof-reported his way right into my thundering heart. He’s also from Canada so I don’t have to feel too patriotic about this one. If you’ve looked into this man’s crystal blue eyes and not seen a Lisa Frank-themed wedding then you are obviously dead inside.
Wyatt Cenac:
This one is pretty easy/obvious. It’s like the Daily Show and my vag are in cahoots and decided to take this ultra-hilarious babe, dress him in a suit, and put him on Hulu for me to enjoy every night before bed, shame-free. Do you ever see people on TV and convince yrself that you’re definitely gonna run into them on the street so you prepare a monologue? Do you think he would be enamored with my unprotected choke-sex talk (while wearing a wedding dress) or creeped out?
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